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Basic Toilet Humor

Toilet humor has always been the safe haven in everyday journalism, and publications remain attentive of notable bog-related stories and historic moments, particularly within football. It was quite amusing to find out that Big Website columnist a famous broadcaster has a West Brom-themed urinal within his residence. Reflect for a moment regarding the Barnsley supporter who understood the bathroom somewhat too seriously, and had to be saved from an empty Oakwell stadium after falling asleep on the loo midway through a 2015 losing match versus the Cod Army. “He had no shoes on and couldn't find his phone and his hat,” elaborated a representative from Barnsley fire services. And who can forget at the pinnacle of his career with Manchester City, Mario Balotelli visited a nearby college to use the facilities back in 2012. “His luxury car was stationed outside, then entered and inquired directions to the restrooms, subsequently he entered the faculty room,” a student told the Manchester Evening News. “After that he was just walking through the school like he owned the place.”

The Lavatory Departure

Tuesday represents 25 years from when Kevin Keegan quit from the England national team post a quick discussion within a restroom stall together with Football Association official David Davies in the underground areas of Wembley, after the notorious 1-0 loss by Germany in 2000 – England’s final match at the legendary venue. According to Davies' personal account, his confidential FA records, he had entered the sodden troubled England locker room right after the game, discovering David Beckham crying and Tony Adams motivated, the two stars urging for the suit to bring Keegan to his senses. Subsequent to Hamann's direct free-kick, Keegan walked slowly through the tunnel with a blank expression, and Davies located him seated – reminiscent of his 1996 Liverpool behavior – in the dressing room corner, whispering: “I'm done. I can't handle this.” Stopping Keegan, Davies worked frantically to save the circumstance.

“Where on earth could we find for confidential discussion?” recalled Davies. “The passageway? Swarming with media. The locker room? Packed with upset players. The bathing section? I couldn't conduct an important discussion with an England manager as players dived into the water. Merely one possibility emerged. The lavatory booths. A crucial incident in the Three Lions' storied past happened in the old toilets of a stadium facing demolition. The impending destruction could almost be smelled in the air. Pulling Kevin into a stall, I secured the door behind us. We stayed there, eye to eye. ‘My decision is final,’ Kevin declared. ‘I'm gone. I'm not suitable. I'll announce to journalists that I'm not competent. I can’t motivate the players. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Results

Consequently, Keegan quit, subsequently confessing he considered his stint as England manager “empty”. The two-time European Footballer of the Year stated: “I found it hard to fill in the time. I began working with the visually impaired team, the deaf team, working with the ladies team. It's a tremendously tough role.” English football has come a long way in the quarter of a century since. For better or worse, those Wembley restrooms and those twin towers are no longer present, while a German now sits in the technical area Keegan previously used. Thomas Tuchel’s side are among the favourites for next year’s Geopolitics World Cup: National team followers, value this time. This exact remembrance from a low point in English football is a reminder that things were not always so comfortable.

Current Reports

Tune in with Luke McLaughlin at 8pm British Summer Time for Women's major tournament coverage from Arsenal 2-1 OL Lyonnes.

Today's Statement

“We stood there in a lengthy line, in just our underwear. We represented Europe's top officials, elite athletes, role models, grown-ups, parents, determined individuals with high morals … yet nobody spoke. We barely looked at each other, our looks wavered slightly nervously when we were requested to advance in couples. There Collina observed us from top to bottom with an ice-cold gaze. Silent and observant” – former international referee Jonas Eriksson reveals the humiliating procedures officials were once put through by ex-Uefa refereeing chief Pierluigi Collina.

Soccer Mailbag

“What does a name matter? There’s a poem by Dr Seuss called ‘Too Many Daves’. Has Blackpool experienced Excessive Steves? Steve Bruce, plus assistants Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been shown through the door marked ‘Do One’. Does this conclude the club's Steve fixation? Not quite! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie remain to take care of the first team. Total Steve progression!” – John Myles.

“Since you've opened the budget and distributed some merchandise, I've chosen to type and share a brief observation. Ange Postecoglou claims he started conflicts in the schoolyard with youngsters he knew would beat him up. This masochistic tendency must account for his choice to sign with Nottingham Forest. As an enduring Tottenham follower I'll remain thankful for the second-year silverware but the only second-season trophy I can see him winning near the Trent River, if he remains that duration, is the second division and that would be quite a challenge {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|