Late-Night Hosts Take Aim At Trump's New 'Gold Card' Residency Plan

Late-night's top entertainers spent the evening mocking former President Donald Trump's newly announced visa program, called the "golden visa," describing it as a clear cash-for-residency arrangement for the rich.

Colbert's Witty Spin

Opening his show, Stephen Colbert offered a mock Christmas song about the president. "He is making a list, checking it twice, then giving that list to the agents at ICE," he intoned. "The President ... spoils all he handles."

The subject was the controversial plan that enables foreign citizens to buy U.S. legal status for the price of one million dollars, or "top-tier" option for $5 million. The program's page pledges processing "with unprecedented speed."

"A quick note for you to rich foreigners: before you pony up, what about Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He noted that the scheme is also designed to "squeeze cash" from companies looking to hire foreign workers, requiring large fees. "That is a lot of fees, though if you enroll, you additionally get free accommodation at a property of your choosing – provided that it's the that one hotel," he said.

"The most thorough screening the government has ever done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to ensure these individuals completely are eligible to be in America."

"That is important, you gotta prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert responded. "The initial query: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Commentary

On his own show, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the initiative the "American Dream Express Card."

"This is a card that will allow rich foreigners to live here," he stated. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get legal visitor status, you get a road to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one major crime of your selection."

"It might be time to change that poem on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your poor masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel lampooned the lack of detail of the form, noting it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"That's right, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "That's what Jesus constantly said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Grocery Struggles

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's declining poll numbers during financial worries. "People gave Donald Trump a second term because they were angry about the economy," he said.

This week, in a bid to tackle cost of living, Trump conducted a press conference in front of a selection of food items, and behaved oddly to some cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a long time."

"He is so extremely weird," Meyers responded. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by mocking conservative news defenses of Trump's economic performance. "Maybe rather than complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy like what FIFA did," he laughed.