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Name: Conkers.

Age: Brought into the UK over four centuries back.

Appearance: The outdoor world's collectible doll.

That can't be accurate. It is. Go and watch a social media video of someone revealing a conker, and you’ll almost certainly hear them call it “the earth's Labubu”.

Unboxing conkers? What on earth are you talking about? Goodness, you are definitely not up to date, aren’t you? Gen Zers are using social platforms to record videos unpeeling conkers from their prickly shells.

But why? Because of the sense of wonder! When you open up a conker, you never know what you’re going to get. Could it be large? Might it be flattened? How shiny will it be? It is similar to a surprise package every time!

Are Labubus big and flat and shiny? No, they’re vaguely hellish-looking dolls that have become collectible because they are sold in mystery boxes.

Can someone please tell the younger crowd that they’re doing conkers wrong? Are they? How do you do conkers, then?

You put a shoelace through the middle of them, and try to break others' nuts. Is that true? That’s unusual.

Yes. Your odds improve if you leave it in vinegar and then heat it in the oven. Seriously?

Seriously. And if you end up collecting too many conkers, you can toss them in the schoolyard and all the other kids will fight each other for them. A lovely item from nature like a conker, and you use it as a tool for battle? A weapon that comes with a long set of complex and confusing guidelines?

It’s traditional! King Charles literally just presented the World Conker Championships with a gift of 300 conkers! At least young people are just recording videos.

How are you unaware of this? At a guess, because certain schools prohibited the game twenty years back, due to concerns over well-being.

The modern world never fails to amaze me. Maybe unboxing conkers just isn’t your thing. In which case, perhaps you would be better suited to some other hot new gen Z trends.

Is that so? Like what? Well, there’s this thing called knitting, and something else called pottery that I can describe for you.

We’ve had knitting and pottery for centuries! Let me guess, you heat tools in apple drink and then use them to poke each other?

Certainly not! OK, calm down. I assumed that all older generation's pastimes involved violence in some form, after that conker thing.

This is overwhelming. Relax for a moment. If you need me, I’ll be unboxing seeds for clicks.

Appropriate comment: “Social media loves showcasing nut discoveries.”

What to avoid: “This is nuts.”